In the hours after a death, someone in the family finds themselves with a list in their head: chairs, siddurim, an urn, a candle, a sign for the door. In the middle of all this it is easy to order things you do not need, or to pay for things you can get for free. This guide arranges the list by what actually happens in the shiva house during this week: who arrives, when, and what is needed so that the minyan takes place and the visitors find their place.
Most important: the mourners should not be dealing with this. Hand this list to the shiva manager – a family member or someone close – and there every item gets a person responsible, along with a door sign and prayer times.
Seating: for the mourners and the visitors
| Item | How many | Where from |
|---|---|---|
| Low chairs for the mourners | One per mourner | A gemach at the synagogue or the religious council. Substitute: a chair without its cushion, a stool or a mattress |
| Regular chairs for visitors | 15–25 | Neighbours, a gemach, the synagogue, the building committee |
| Plastic chairs for the yard or stairwell | 10–20 in homes with a yard | Neighbours, a kindergarten, the community centre |
| A bench or low table beside the mourners | 1 | From home – for water, tissues and a siddur |
Arranging the room: the mourners sit together along one wall, with the visitors facing them. Leave a clear path from the door to the mourners and standing room by the wall for the busy hours. If a mourner finds it hard to sit low, a medical condition exempts them from the low chair.
Prayer and a minyan at home
| Item | How many | Where from |
|---|---|---|
| Siddurim in the family's tradition | 12–15 | The synagogue (the gabbai lends them for the week) or a holy-books gemach. You can also print: a personal siddur to print |
| Chumashim or a book of Psalms | 5–10 | The synagogue, a gemach. Psalms by the letters of the name to print |
| A Torah scroll | If reading at home on Monday, Thursday and Shabbat | Only through the synagogue, with an ark or a respectable table and a cover. Many prefer to go to the synagogue for the reading |
| An enlarged Kaddish sheet | 1–2 | Kaddish in every tradition – to print in large type |
| Kippot for visitors | 10–20 | From home, from the synagogue |
| A small table for the prayer leader | 1 | From home |
The holy-books gemach in memory of Ofek: siddurim and chumashim on loan for the shiva house, run by Ofek's grandfather, Avi Taub. For details and orders: 050-7337766.
Mincha and arvit times by city, for each of the seven days, are in the shiva manager. The exact text by tradition – on the prayers page.
Kitchen and refreshments
The food during shiva comes from outside. The seudat havra'a after the funeral is served by neighbours and friends, and in the days after, someone coordinates who brings a meal. Instead of calling ten people – open a meals board, and whoever wants to help signs up themselves.
| Item | How many | Where from |
|---|---|---|
| Hot-water urn (on Shabbat – a Shabbat urn) | 1, in a large home 2 | From home, neighbours, a gemach, the synagogue |
| Disposable cups, hot and cold | 200 of each kind for the week | Buy. This is the item that runs out first |
| Coffee, tea, sugar, milk | As consumed, buy twice a week | Buy, or the visitors bring |
| Mineral water | 2–3 cases | Buy |
| Plates, forks, napkins, rubbish bags | 100 of each | Buy |
| Trays of light refreshments: biscuits, fruit, cut vegetables | 2–3 a day | From the visitors, through the meals board |
| Hot meals for the mourners | Lunch and dinner | From the community, through the meals board. Not from the mourners |
| An extra fridge | Only in a small home with a lot of food | Neighbours (space in their fridge) – before renting |
One person is responsible for the kitchen – not a member of the immediate family. They receive the trays, note what is missing, and empty the rubbish in the evening.
The house and the door
| Item | How many | Where from |
|---|---|---|
| Seven-day memorial candle | 1–2 (plus a candle for the shloshim) | Supermarket, Judaica shop. Place on a stable surface, away from curtains and children |
| Covers for the mirrors | According to the number of mirrors | A sheet, a tablecloth or paper – from home. By custom |
| Door sign with visiting and prayer hours | 1 for the door, 1 for the building entrance | A door sign with a navigation QR – to print |
| Death notice | For print and WhatsApp | Death notice generator, and a status image for the phone |
| Tissues | 5–6 boxes | Buy |
| Toilet paper, soap, paper towels | Double the usual | Buy |
| A fan or portable air conditioner for the minyan room | Only in summer, in a crowded room | Neighbours – before renting |
| A shared phone charger and a note with the Wi-Fi password | 1 | From home. Saves dozens of questions |
| A book or sheets to record the visitors | 1 | From home. Helps with the thank-you notice after the shiva |
Children and family
- A quiet corner for children in another room, with games, a screen and an adult who is responsible for them. Children do not need to sit for seven hours facing visitors. How to talk with children about death.
- Rides for the children to kindergarten and school, and who collects them. This is a task for someone outside the house.
- A room for the mourners alone: somewhere a door can be closed for ten minutes. If the home is small, mark a bedroom as "family only".
- The mourners' medication and glasses in a fixed place. In the chaos of this week it gets forgotten.
What is free, and what costs money
| What | Cost | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Burial in Israel | Free | The National Insurance Institute pays the Chevra Kadisha. Payment is required only for an exceptional plot, such as a reserved plot or a cemetery outside the area of residence |
| Death certificate | Free | From the Population Authority, also digitally |
| Siddurim, chumashim, low chairs | Free | A gemach, the synagogue |
| Seudat havra'a and meals | Free | From the community, by custom |
| Death notice, door sign, personal siddur | Free | All the tools on this site, no sign-up |
| Death notice in a printed newspaper | Paid | Not obligatory. Most announcements today go by WhatsApp |
| Disposables, drinks, tissues, candles | A few hundred ₪ for the week | The only running expense in most homes |
| A tent, a portable air conditioner, chairs by the hundred | Paid rental | Relevant only when hundreds of visitors a day are expected. Before ordering – ask at the synagogue and the religious council. |
The death grant from the National Insurance Institute, survivors' rights and what the family is entitled to – in the task list, with links to the official sites.
Where to get things: the order to ask
- The house itself. Chairs, an urn, trays, cups. Check before asking.
- Neighbours and the building or neighbourhood group. One message: "Looking for 15 chairs and an urn for the week, who can help?". It also opens the door for those who want to help and did not know how.
- The synagogue and the gabbai. Siddurim, chumashim, low chairs, and sometimes an organised minyan for the prayer times.
- Gemachim. Most towns have a chair gemach and a holy-books gemach. The list of gemachim for the shiva house, by town and region. Find others through the religious council, the local rabbi or community groups. Siddurim and chumashim: the gemach in memory of Ofek, 050-7337766.
- The Chevra Kadisha. Some provide low chairs and information sheets. Ask when arranging the funeral.
- Buying. Only for disposables, drinks, tissues and candles. The rest does not need to be bought.
- Renting. The last option, and only for equipment with no substitute: a tent for the yard, a portable air conditioner for a crowded room.