For parents
How to talk with children
Children understand more than it seems, and whatever is not explained to them, they fill in on their own. Simple words and the truth at eye level help more than protection.
Reviewed The content has been reviewed and approved for publication (28.09.2026). For practical questions, ask your community rabbi / a professional. Found a mistake? Write to us
Five principles for every age
- Use the word "died". "Fell asleep", "went away" or "we lost him" are confusing and frightening.
- Tell them early, and from someone close. It is better that children hear it from you and not from others.
- Answer only what is asked. Questions will come back again and again – that is how they process.
- Keep the routine. Meals, sleep and a framework give security. Playing and laughing are allowed.
- Inform the kindergarten teacher or the class teacher, so that they know and can keep an eye out.
By age
Ages 3–6
Where did he go?
Say it in simple words: "Grandpa died. His body stopped working, and he will not come back." Avoid "he went to sleep" – children may become afraid of falling asleep.
Why is everyone crying?
"We are crying because we are sad and we miss him. You are allowed to cry too, and you are allowed to play."
Bring them to the funeral?
Up to age 5 it is usually better not to bring them to the funeral. If you do – a familiar adult stays right beside them, ready to leave with the child at any moment.
Ages 7–12
Where did he go?
State the fact ("he died") and then ask: "What do you think happens after someone dies?" Answer according to the family's beliefs, without making things up.
Why is everyone crying?
"When someone we love dies, the body lets the sadness out through crying. It is not dangerous, and it comes and goes in waves."
Bring them to the funeral?
Give them a choice after explaining in advance: what will happen, how long it takes, who will cry. A child who chooses not to come – do not insist.
Teenagers
Where did he go?
Teenagers' questions are usually about meaning and fairness. Say "I don't know" when that is the truth. Do not hand them closed answers in place of a conversation.
Why is everyone crying?
Do not ask them to be "strong" or to look after their siblings. Your crying in front of them teaches them that it is allowed.
Bring them to the funeral?
Invite them to take part and not only to attend – to read, to carry, to choose a song. Watch for prolonged withdrawal from friends and for changes in sleep.
More tools
What to do now
Tasks for the first hours, days and weeks, with links to official services.
Open →Daily anchors
Three small reminders a day – rest, water and food, switching off in the evening – straight to your calendar.
Open →Guide for visitors
What to bring, what to say, what to avoid, and how long to stay.
Open →General information, not a substitute for professional advice. The content is under review by professionals in the field of child and family care.