Organising a shiva: the first 24 hours checklist – who calls whom, what the house needs, what to announce

The principle: the family does nothing

Everything in a shiva is designed so the mourners don’t have to plan, host, cook or decide. The Jewish community historically absorbed those tasks; today, in a city where nobody is quite sure whose job it is, they fall on the eldest daughter at 2 am. This checklist hands them to one named organiser and sorts them by hour.

Used alongside the shiva manager (18 tasks, prayer times by city, a door sign) and the what-to-do-now list (the official and bureaucratic steps), it covers the first day end to end.

Hour 0–2: the calls

Do not post on social media before all immediate family has been told by phone.

Hour 2–6: the notice

One notice, two formats: an image for WhatsApp and a printed A4 for the building entrance and the synagogue board. Must contain: full name and honorific (z”l), funeral day/date/time, cemetery and meeting point, shiva address (with floor and door code), visiting hours, and the signature “The family”. Optional: “No flowers – donations to __ in his memory.”

The death-notice generator produces both in a minute; the data stays on your phone. Send to: family group, friends group, each workplace, the synagogue, the neighbourhood group. Ask each recipient to forward once – don’t write “please share”.

Visiting hours – decide now, print them, and keep them: typically 10:00–13:00 and 16:00–21:00, never during meals or after 21:00, and no visits on Shabbat. The live status page lets the organiser flip “resting now / receiving / need a minyan / no more food” for everyone who has the link.

Before the family returns from the cemetery: the house

Set up by the organiser and two helpers while the family is at the funeral:

• Low seating: one chair or stool under ~30 cm per mourner (or a mattress on the floor). Regular chairs for elderly or ill mourners – health comes first.
• Memorial candle: a seven-day candle, lit when the family returns, somewhere safe from children.
• Mirrors: covered with a sheet or turned to the wall. Screens that are off need nothing.
• Washing cup and paper towels by the front door – hands are washed before entering after a cemetery.
• The first meal (se’udat havra’ah): hard-boiled eggs, bread rolls, lentils or hummus, water, coffee and tea – served to the mourners by others. They must not prepare it. Disposable everything.
• Visitor seating: 20–60 folding chairs depending on the crowd; in Israel a free gemach lends them, abroad the synagogue does. Clear the living room; move fragile things.
• Prayer corner: siddurim (the printable siddur with the deceased’s name), kippot in a basket, a table for the Torah reading if a scroll is brought, a chart of service times on the wall.
• Urn / kettle, cups, sugar, milk, tissues on a side table the mourners never have to touch.
• Door sign: “Please come in quietly – shiva for ___. Visiting hours ___. Services at ___.” The shiva manager prints one with a QR code to the status page.
• Children’s corner in a back room: screens, snacks, a rota of adults to take them out.

Day 1 evening: the routine

1. Services: morning, afternoon and evening in the house if ten adults can be gathered; otherwise the mourners walk to the nearest synagogue. Post the times on the door and in the WhatsApp groups. Assign a “minyan captain” whose only job is ten people at each service.
2. Meals for the family: open a meal schedule so dinners arrive one per evening, not five on Tuesday. The link goes in the groups; the family never answers a “what can I bring?” call again.
3. Phone duty: one person answers the family’s phones and the door. Mourners are not obliged to take calls.
4. Rest slots: block 13:00–16:00 as closed. Flip the status page to “resting”.
5. The organiser’s evening check: candle burning, chairs stacked for the morning, tomorrow’s minyan captain confirmed, meal for tomorrow confirmed, rubbish out.

Day 2–7: keeping it running

• Same routine daily. The organiser’s checklist is the shiva manager’s 18 tasks; tick them each morning.
• Shabbat: no visitors from Friday sunset; mourners may go to synagogue, eat normally and sit on regular chairs. Public mourning resumes Saturday night.
• Getting up: on the seventh morning after the morning service, the mourners sit briefly, the visitors say “arise”, and they walk once around the block. The house is restored, the candle may be left to burn out.
• The thank-you notice goes out that day (generator), with the date of the 30-day memorial if known.

Special cases

• Mourners in different cities: each household sits its own shiva; the notice lists each address.
• Family abroad arriving late: anyone joining within three days of burial counts with the household; after that they count seven days from when they heard.
• A festival during the week: Pesach, Shavuot, Sukkot, Rosh Hashana or Yom Kippur ends the shiva early. Check with a rabbi before announcing the end date; the shiva calculator flags it.
• Small apartment: chairs only, visitors rotate, the stairwell is the waiting room; consider the synagogue hall for evenings.
• Non-observant family: keep what you want – low chairs, the open door, the candle and the meal schedule carry the week even without prayers.

Red flags

• A mourner is making coffee for visitors. Take the kettle away, gently.
• Nobody knows who is running it. Name someone today.
• Ten trays of pastries and no dinner. Open the meal schedule.
• Visitors at 22:30. Print the hours; use the status page.
• The family’s phones ringing on the low chairs. Phone duty.
• Children with nothing to do for seven days. A rota, a room, an adult.

Printable checklist – first 24 hours

• Organiser named: ________ · helpers: ________
• Burial society / funeral home called · funeral: ____ at ____
• Rabbi / officiant confirmed
• Employers told (each mourner)
• Schools told
• Notice made (image + A4) · sent to: family ☐ friends ☐ work ☐ synagogue ☐ neighbourhood ☐
• Visiting hours decided: ________ · door sign printed
• Low chairs ☐ candle ☐ mirrors ☐ washing cup ☐
• First meal ready before the family returns ☐
• Visitor chairs (____) from gemach / synagogue ☐
• Siddurim, kippot, service-time chart ☐
• Urn, cups, sugar, milk, tissues ☐
• Meal schedule opened and shared ☐
• Minyan captain for tomorrow: ________
• Phone/door duty: ________
• Children’s rota: ________
• Status page created (link saved) ☐

Where this connects

The bureaucratic side – death certificate, bank, insurance, what the employer owes – is on the what-to-do-now list. The seven daily tasks and the door sign are in the shiva manager. For what to say to the mourners when you visit, read what to say at a shiva.